Parasites Beware!
We are finally convinced (kind of) that we know what is wrong with us. After weeks of back and forth of feeling bad, we are both on parasite medicine and are feeling better. Hopefully it's knocked out, but we'll have to see. We were motivated to get some lab work done when I started having sulfuric belching over the weekend (how gross is that) and Jason talked to a doctor at a local clinic and got some medicine. We really, REALLY hope it knocks this stuff out.
The past few days have been INCREDIBLE. I don't know what happened, but on Monday night some kinf of cold front moved in. It rained some both on Tuesday and Wednesday, and not the rain that you like for ten minutes and as soon as it's over makes everything steam. It was the rain that refreshes. It rained almost all day yesterday, and in the middle of the afternoon I was wearing jeans and a sweater IN MY APARTMENT. That is truly unusual. Today is bright and sunny, but not very humid at all. It's nice to be able to wash laundry and have it dry efficiently.
It's been a good week. I've been trying to "play" with Alex more; she's starting to be able to respond. She has a set of plastic keys that she can hold onto and shake, although she' doesn't yet realize that she's doing it. It's funny how there are days when I can get absolutely nothing done except taking care of her. Then there are days like this morning when I can clean almost the entire apartment! You just never know. Most days I am really enjoying being at home. Liam, our school director, asked me yesterday what I thought about daycare; they still don't have an English teacher, and I feel so bad for the school. While I might be able to help organize some things, there's no way I could teach the classes, and I really don't have a desire to. After all, dad's coming in less than a month :) I'm enjoying spending my days with Alex, reading while she's nursing, playing when she's awake, sneaking in showers when she's asleep. My life is incredibly full as it is.
I have been reading a ton and am running out of material quickly, which was always a bit of a fear. I still have access to the school library, which is great, but it's pretty small. I was talking with a friend last night and vocalized some things that I've been realizing lately. It may sound like a small thing and a non-issue, but it kind of isn't. I am, most definitely, a book snob. I can certainly border on being a music snob, but I'm more likely to admit to liking cheesy 80s songs than to reading pop fiction. The difference is that I LIKE the cheesy 80s song and really dislike the pop fiction. Here's how to explain it.I am currently reading a book that I will NOT name. It's the first in a very popular, best-selling series, and I am not enjoying it. I find the characters trite, the plot contrived and non-engaging, and the overall effect simplistic and without literary merit. To be honest, I am embarrassed to be seen with it. If I were to go the coffee shop down the road, I would never be able to bring myself to sit there and read this book.
Why?
Because I'm a book snob.
Because, to be very frank, I have this huge NEED (human) for people to think that I'm smart. It drives me a lot more than the need to appear cool or even attractive, two areas that I think most people struggle with at some point in their lives. While it is very true that I absolutely and sincerely loved War and Peace, I want people to SEE me reading it and be impressed by the fact that I am enjoying reading it. I find nothing wrong with admitting that I tend to enjoy classics more than any other type of book, but it is a problem within me when I want to feel better than others, more discriminating in my taste, more intelligent, for reading those books that I would consider literature.
This is something that I've slowly been realizing about myself and truly having to learn to give up. In whatever small way, I want recognition about my abilities. I think one of the worst things I could have thought about me is to be perceived as being incompetent, to be without ability. I love being a mother, but what if this means that people perceive me as ONLY a mother? How can I (subtly, of course...) let people know that I'm smart, or at least that I'm not dumb? Can I sneak into the conversation that I got my master's only a few months after turning 22? That I was the teacher of the year at my high school in only my second year? Or (how intensely petty is this), that over a DECADE ago, I got a tuition ride to college because of my SAT scores? Where will I receive that recognition now? Where has it been the past few years? NCA doesn't give out any sorts of awards or special recognitions for excellence in their teachers. SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE CREATED ONE FOR ME???
Okay, that last statement was taking it a bit far. But do you catch my drift?
I think it will be a constant struggle for me. I would truly write more, but Alex is a bit upset right now. Does any of that make sense?
The past few days have been INCREDIBLE. I don't know what happened, but on Monday night some kinf of cold front moved in. It rained some both on Tuesday and Wednesday, and not the rain that you like for ten minutes and as soon as it's over makes everything steam. It was the rain that refreshes. It rained almost all day yesterday, and in the middle of the afternoon I was wearing jeans and a sweater IN MY APARTMENT. That is truly unusual. Today is bright and sunny, but not very humid at all. It's nice to be able to wash laundry and have it dry efficiently.
It's been a good week. I've been trying to "play" with Alex more; she's starting to be able to respond. She has a set of plastic keys that she can hold onto and shake, although she' doesn't yet realize that she's doing it. It's funny how there are days when I can get absolutely nothing done except taking care of her. Then there are days like this morning when I can clean almost the entire apartment! You just never know. Most days I am really enjoying being at home. Liam, our school director, asked me yesterday what I thought about daycare; they still don't have an English teacher, and I feel so bad for the school. While I might be able to help organize some things, there's no way I could teach the classes, and I really don't have a desire to. After all, dad's coming in less than a month :) I'm enjoying spending my days with Alex, reading while she's nursing, playing when she's awake, sneaking in showers when she's asleep. My life is incredibly full as it is.
I have been reading a ton and am running out of material quickly, which was always a bit of a fear. I still have access to the school library, which is great, but it's pretty small. I was talking with a friend last night and vocalized some things that I've been realizing lately. It may sound like a small thing and a non-issue, but it kind of isn't. I am, most definitely, a book snob. I can certainly border on being a music snob, but I'm more likely to admit to liking cheesy 80s songs than to reading pop fiction. The difference is that I LIKE the cheesy 80s song and really dislike the pop fiction. Here's how to explain it.I am currently reading a book that I will NOT name. It's the first in a very popular, best-selling series, and I am not enjoying it. I find the characters trite, the plot contrived and non-engaging, and the overall effect simplistic and without literary merit. To be honest, I am embarrassed to be seen with it. If I were to go the coffee shop down the road, I would never be able to bring myself to sit there and read this book.
Why?
Because I'm a book snob.
Because, to be very frank, I have this huge NEED (human) for people to think that I'm smart. It drives me a lot more than the need to appear cool or even attractive, two areas that I think most people struggle with at some point in their lives. While it is very true that I absolutely and sincerely loved War and Peace, I want people to SEE me reading it and be impressed by the fact that I am enjoying reading it. I find nothing wrong with admitting that I tend to enjoy classics more than any other type of book, but it is a problem within me when I want to feel better than others, more discriminating in my taste, more intelligent, for reading those books that I would consider literature.
This is something that I've slowly been realizing about myself and truly having to learn to give up. In whatever small way, I want recognition about my abilities. I think one of the worst things I could have thought about me is to be perceived as being incompetent, to be without ability. I love being a mother, but what if this means that people perceive me as ONLY a mother? How can I (subtly, of course...) let people know that I'm smart, or at least that I'm not dumb? Can I sneak into the conversation that I got my master's only a few months after turning 22? That I was the teacher of the year at my high school in only my second year? Or (how intensely petty is this), that over a DECADE ago, I got a tuition ride to college because of my SAT scores? Where will I receive that recognition now? Where has it been the past few years? NCA doesn't give out any sorts of awards or special recognitions for excellence in their teachers. SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE CREATED ONE FOR ME???
Okay, that last statement was taking it a bit far. But do you catch my drift?
I think it will be a constant struggle for me. I would truly write more, but Alex is a bit upset right now. Does any of that make sense?
posted by Jess Edgerton at
2:00 pm
1 Comments:
jess-
i think i will have the same struggle if i ever become a mom. in the meantime, i have a few books here that you might enjoy reading (i too hate pop fiction). i'll try to bring some to office to send home with jason. blessings.
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