Lying to My Mother
Okay, so I have a few specific messages for people:
1. Nanny and Papaw - The phone connections just aren't that great over Skype recently. (I don't know if it has anything to do with the windy season at all.) However, I wanted to personally and specifically THANK YOU SO MUCH for the two packages that we got! We were overwhelmed and so excited to get them, and I know Alexis is going to look adorable in the outfits you sent! I couldn't resist taking all the tags off the blanket and just holding it for a little while - it's so soft! Thank you so much. You two are such an amazing support to us in so many ways.
2. Mom - Yes, I lied to you. Well, kind of. I don't have digital ultrasound pictures to post. HOWEVER, I did take pictures of two of the ultrasound pictures from our doctor's appointment yesterday. They aren't wonderful, but you kind of get the idea at least.
Our appointment yesterday was great. Doctor Mendieta said that everything looked great, Alexis was growing just how she should be, and the blood in my urine is now gone, which (tragically) means no more cranberry juice!!! :) However, I'm gaining appropriate weight, just started my 25th week, and it's all starting to feel more real every day. Alex is kicking VERY regularly now, which is an amazing feeling. One the ultrasound the doctor also saw her flexing her little hand, making a fist and then letting it go; he said that was really good.
The first picture is of Alex waving hello to you! In the upper left corner, the blurry spots actually say "HI!" In the second picture you can see her profile and body clearly, including her spinal cord. She is now too big for all of her to fit in the picture!
In a lot of ways I feel like I'm getting my energy back, which is great. My co-teacher for yearbook took over the class for the rest of the year, which has reduced my stress level massively. Now I feel like I can concentrate on helping the students to have a good lab experience while maintaining good accountability in my other classes. Plus, I have so much more energy. Yearbook was right after lunch, and I was just exhausted because I had no down time during the day. Now, I feel rested for my sixth period class and labs when I have them. It's helping a ton in my other classes as well.
I'm starting to have very mixed feelings about leaving my job, too. In one way, I'm entirely excited, because I'm having a baby! However, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts about the idea of quiting full-time work for a significant period of time. (I know a lot of women go through this.) The thing that I've been thinking most about recently, though, is how I've been perceived at NCA. I know I've made a ton of mistakes since I've been there, which is a natural part of any process, but I do hope I've contributed to the development of the school, especially professionally. Sometimes it's hard for me, because it's not like I don't have a relationship with any of my students, but sometimes I know that students perceive me as being really strict with them, which I am, but I also try to be very fair and have high expectations. (This is NOT to say that the other teachers at the school don't; please don't get me wrong here... :) It's just been very different coming from a public school where I think I was considered to be intensely relational to here where I think some people don't consider me relational because I don't tend to "hang out" with the students. It's been a balance. On the other hand, though, I know that God has used me to help kids in some very specific ways, and those are amazing moments to look back on. I've talked with one girl about finding balance in her life between her intellect and emotions, another about her family having to process her father cheating on her mother and the years-long struggle that has been, one girl who right now isn't applying to colleges because she can't afford application fees partially because her parents might be getting divorced and helping her with that process, talking to one young man about the possibility of going into a scientific field not because he has the best grades in the class but because he knows how to think outside of the box (he said he needed to write down this conversation so that he'd never forget it), trying to help another, awkward young man grow into adulthood in a myriad of ways so that he can be equipped for leaving NCA (I once told him he looked like a pondering poet and he asked me to write it on his notebook), and trying to help a young girl who stresses herself out all of the time to an incredibly intense extent to learn to relax and approach things in proper perspective and giving her opportunities to succeed.
Okay, so now that seems kind of like a bragging thing. But in a way, it's actually really cool to look back and know some of the specific kids that I know God has placed me here for. And I think that's what's great; the kids that I can connect with at a more intimate level are not going to be the kids that another teacher connects with. It's easy for me to think that I'm not a good teacher because I'll see some sort of relationship that a student has with another teacher, and it becomes very easy for me to make comparisons. But when I reflect on it, I realize I don't have to do that, and I don't have to worry so much about feeling like I'm not as good as someone else for one reason or another. God has a specific purpose for me being here (and I'm sure it's multi-faceted), and therefore I can be content to try to be led by Him in all things and simply to love people in the way that He would have me to love them.
Wow. That got kind of personal... but it was kind of cathartic as well. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, whether or not the kids actually "like" me or will "miss" me. When all is said and done, though, I know that I have have attempted to academically and professionally prepare them for the rigors that they will see when they leave NCA, and that I have tried to be myself, be open with them, and be there for them when they needed me.
All of that to say, I'm going to miss teaching.
1. Nanny and Papaw - The phone connections just aren't that great over Skype recently. (I don't know if it has anything to do with the windy season at all.) However, I wanted to personally and specifically THANK YOU SO MUCH for the two packages that we got! We were overwhelmed and so excited to get them, and I know Alexis is going to look adorable in the outfits you sent! I couldn't resist taking all the tags off the blanket and just holding it for a little while - it's so soft! Thank you so much. You two are such an amazing support to us in so many ways.
2. Mom - Yes, I lied to you. Well, kind of. I don't have digital ultrasound pictures to post. HOWEVER, I did take pictures of two of the ultrasound pictures from our doctor's appointment yesterday. They aren't wonderful, but you kind of get the idea at least.
Our appointment yesterday was great. Doctor Mendieta said that everything looked great, Alexis was growing just how she should be, and the blood in my urine is now gone, which (tragically) means no more cranberry juice!!! :) However, I'm gaining appropriate weight, just started my 25th week, and it's all starting to feel more real every day. Alex is kicking VERY regularly now, which is an amazing feeling. One the ultrasound the doctor also saw her flexing her little hand, making a fist and then letting it go; he said that was really good.
The first picture is of Alex waving hello to you! In the upper left corner, the blurry spots actually say "HI!" In the second picture you can see her profile and body clearly, including her spinal cord. She is now too big for all of her to fit in the picture!
In a lot of ways I feel like I'm getting my energy back, which is great. My co-teacher for yearbook took over the class for the rest of the year, which has reduced my stress level massively. Now I feel like I can concentrate on helping the students to have a good lab experience while maintaining good accountability in my other classes. Plus, I have so much more energy. Yearbook was right after lunch, and I was just exhausted because I had no down time during the day. Now, I feel rested for my sixth period class and labs when I have them. It's helping a ton in my other classes as well.
I'm starting to have very mixed feelings about leaving my job, too. In one way, I'm entirely excited, because I'm having a baby! However, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts about the idea of quiting full-time work for a significant period of time. (I know a lot of women go through this.) The thing that I've been thinking most about recently, though, is how I've been perceived at NCA. I know I've made a ton of mistakes since I've been there, which is a natural part of any process, but I do hope I've contributed to the development of the school, especially professionally. Sometimes it's hard for me, because it's not like I don't have a relationship with any of my students, but sometimes I know that students perceive me as being really strict with them, which I am, but I also try to be very fair and have high expectations. (This is NOT to say that the other teachers at the school don't; please don't get me wrong here... :) It's just been very different coming from a public school where I think I was considered to be intensely relational to here where I think some people don't consider me relational because I don't tend to "hang out" with the students. It's been a balance. On the other hand, though, I know that God has used me to help kids in some very specific ways, and those are amazing moments to look back on. I've talked with one girl about finding balance in her life between her intellect and emotions, another about her family having to process her father cheating on her mother and the years-long struggle that has been, one girl who right now isn't applying to colleges because she can't afford application fees partially because her parents might be getting divorced and helping her with that process, talking to one young man about the possibility of going into a scientific field not because he has the best grades in the class but because he knows how to think outside of the box (he said he needed to write down this conversation so that he'd never forget it), trying to help another, awkward young man grow into adulthood in a myriad of ways so that he can be equipped for leaving NCA (I once told him he looked like a pondering poet and he asked me to write it on his notebook), and trying to help a young girl who stresses herself out all of the time to an incredibly intense extent to learn to relax and approach things in proper perspective and giving her opportunities to succeed.
Okay, so now that seems kind of like a bragging thing. But in a way, it's actually really cool to look back and know some of the specific kids that I know God has placed me here for. And I think that's what's great; the kids that I can connect with at a more intimate level are not going to be the kids that another teacher connects with. It's easy for me to think that I'm not a good teacher because I'll see some sort of relationship that a student has with another teacher, and it becomes very easy for me to make comparisons. But when I reflect on it, I realize I don't have to do that, and I don't have to worry so much about feeling like I'm not as good as someone else for one reason or another. God has a specific purpose for me being here (and I'm sure it's multi-faceted), and therefore I can be content to try to be led by Him in all things and simply to love people in the way that He would have me to love them.
Wow. That got kind of personal... but it was kind of cathartic as well. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, whether or not the kids actually "like" me or will "miss" me. When all is said and done, though, I know that I have have attempted to academically and professionally prepare them for the rigors that they will see when they leave NCA, and that I have tried to be myself, be open with them, and be there for them when they needed me.
All of that to say, I'm going to miss teaching.
posted by Jess Edgerton at
7:13 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home